Here comes Easter, the celebration of Jesus’ agonizing death and resurrection. This holiday inevitably brings out the “fundies” (fundamentalist Christians) who get so pissed about the Easter Bunny, hard-boiled eggs and Peeps. They always, with shrill intonations, try to remind Christians—and force nonbelievers to acknowledge—that Easter is about the suffering of Jesus on the cross. “Jesus died for you,” they will say with an implied, “you ungrateful ass.”
I view the sexual fetish of Jesus hanging half naked on the cross as Crucifixion Porn, exemplified in movies such as The Passion of the Christ by delightful Christian Mel Gibson. Somewhere in the world someone is masturbating to this image at this exact moment. The worst part is the incessant demand by Christians that we all stare at this ghastly fiction and feel bad! Jesus suffered, and we should all give a flying fuck. But I do not.
Divinity aside, let’s assume that Jesus was a real person, and he died unpleasantly for his “beliefs” 2,000 years ago. Is that more tragic than any example we could pick from in more recent history? Is it worse to be crucified for your beliefs or to be burned alive for being a witch? Witch burnings are actual documented murders that were performed in Jesus’ name (amen!) I don’t know which death is more painful, but it is undeniable fact that tens of thousands of women were murdered by churches over the years. This doesn’t even begin to touch the torture of so many other human beings, including many that were disemboweled, strangled, and otherwise tortured—all agonizing, evil, and divinely inspirited murders. Yet still, in the 21st century, nonbelievers are supposed to be moved by the pain of one guy who inspired the suffering of so many others.
These murders don’t even begin to account for the 1.5 million children that will die THIS year because of diarrhea (for fuck’s sake). Yet again, the shrill Christian anthem about “Jesus’ sacrifice” is mentioned without any embarrassment at all. Christians in general lack shame, charity and any idea of the scope of real suffering. Thousands of children die because of a lack of compassion while thousands more suffer the effects of being raped by priests just for good measure.
If Jesus actually lived, at least he made it to adult hood and died for his cause. A woman stoned for adultery or a child who dies because her parents pray instead of taking her to the doctor—these are real tragedies, worthy of shrill condemnation and righteous anger. But in the end Christians can’t escape their shared word view with Joseph Stalin: One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic.
So on Easter, I’m eating the fuck out of some Peeps. I’m gonna hide Easter eggs and watch crappy cartoons with bunnies that have nothing to do with Christianity in the slightest. I won’t for a moment consider Jesus, nor will I watch any crucifixion porn. Life is horrible enough without having to invent reasons to feel bad.
Gotta say, Ed, while I do enjoy your writing, I have to disagree with (at least part) of this one: the part about “Christians in general lack shame, charity and any idea of the scope of real suffering.” I think you may need to find some different Christians to complicate that generalization a bit. While they and I may not always jive on everything, my life is chock-full of folks who 1) experience deep shame and regret for parts of Christian history, but then (partly because of that) are determined to live differently, as Christians, 2) are some of the most generous people I know, and 3) are daily involved with the “real suffering” of their neighbors, at least, because they believe they have to begin there to “save the world.”
But then I know that for some of them, it’s because they’re actively trying to be a different kind of Christian. So take that for what it’s worth. At least I hope it’s worth something.
Keep writing, man.
-Sarah M-S.
Sarah! I’ve heard this from others, and I understand. I’ve always observed that even people who want to reach out to the poor, for example, often do so to further their religion. People like the Salvation Army, but this group is a radical church group that FORCES anyone who uses charity to attend church–or those people are cut off. Thanks for the comment, I hope to explore this more a bit later.
Pingback: Sympathy for the Devil | Armchair Blasphemy
Hey Ed, a long lost Antioch classmate chiming in. Are you in Des Moines for the aetheist convention? Thought it would be fun to have an non-believer/believer drink, if you were. I’m thinking more about Sarah’s comments too. I have theory that aetheism maintains a lot of the same values as interfaith. More on that later. Hope all is well with the MFA grad status!
Terri Speirs
Hi Terri!
I wish I were in in Iowa right now! Sounds like a fun conference is underway. I usually have a lot in common with interfaith communities, humanists and very liberal Christians. They sometimes get peppered when I’m going after “fundies” as I call them. There is a whole line of atheist debate on how to relate to the “moderate” religious folk. Drop me a line if you’re ever in Reno!!
Thanks, Ed. Sorry I spelled athiest wrong. And for the record, I’m with Sarah. The Christian groups I have worked with, including my entire denomination, adopt specific language that the humanitarin work is not based on proseletyzing. I am with you on the Salvation Army, but they do not represent me, or the Christians in my circles. Neither do the “fundies.” Just saying. Thanks for keeping us all thinking! How’s your book?
Hey Terri! I understand; I do sometimes hit an overly broad brush. There are some organizations that do great works, but the ones like the Salvation Army (if people really understood them) do damage. The book is done, shopping it around now. Tough market though. Looking forward to the next big project. Take care!!
When you die Ed I hope you wont regret of not knowing who Jesus is before disrespecting his history, the reason why you are still alive is because Jesus really died for you, if you wont believe that then you will only believe it once you die and it will be too late for you.
Godbless you
“They always, with shrill intonations, try to remind Christians—and force nonbelievers to acknowledge—that Easter is about the suffering of Jesus on the cross. “Jesus died for you,” they will say with an implied, “you ungrateful ass.”
“I view the sexual fetish of Jesus hanging half naked on the cross as Crucifixion Porn, exemplified in movies such as The Passion of the Christ by delightful Christian Mel Gibson. Somewhere in the world someone is masturbating to this image at this exact moment. The worst part is the incessant demand by Christians that we all stare at this ghastly fiction and feel bad! Jesus suffered, and we should all give a flying fuck. But I do not. “
A good friend of mine and fellow atheist addressed your concerns far better than I could, so I am going to lift his response to you:
lleange: You’re fortune to have been born into the correct religion is astounding. Just imagine if you were a Pagan, Muslim, hedonist or Buddhist! Because, like Jesus says, no one comes to the father but through the son. So if your words are to be believed, that “dirty” Muslim and that air-headed Buddhist will be simmering in God’s hand designed torture palace next to me for all eternity. Remember: God is love. Believe in him, or get tortured unceasingly for all time.
Read the story of the author here: http://www.armchairblasphemy.com/?p=352
Oh, and lleange, your comment only proves my earlier blog point that your religion is nothing more than a death cult.
http://www.armchairblasphemy.com/?p=15
Pingback: Observational Hiatus | Armchair Blasphemy
Christians and other theists like to talk about the sacrifice of those who die for their beliefs. I think what your article points out most succinctly, is that the greater sacrifice is that made by those who die for the beliefs of another, especially those who die unwillingly.
Christians, Islamic, you name it, martyrs, who die for a belief (not a “cause”) are doing it for completely selfish motives. They are under the delusion that only they & any suckers they manage to coerce along with them, will benefit in some imaginary afterlife. In truth, the death benefits no one. The truly tragic victims are children who have no choice in the matter. Contrast this with the motives of someone who gives their life for a cause or to save others. Whether it is to endure torture & death for not revealing information useful to an enemy (I.E. captive soldiers in wartime) or people who die for causes like freedom, human rights etc. the behavior is basically a quintessential human expression of love. Martyrdom is a perversion of love.
Good comments, both! Dying over questions of what happens “after you die” has always felt perverted to me. Thanks for reading!
Pingback: Visiting Catholic Disneyland and the Hole of Sacred Dirt | Armchair Blasphemy